I recently realised that I enjoy reminiscing. I think about the ‘should haves’ and the ‘could haves,’ knowing full well that this behaviour is unhealthy.
I think in retrospect a lot about my work as a special needs teacher. ‘If I had known this, would the outcomes have been better for the children?’. ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ and ‘what’s the point’ are some of the answers I keep telling myself. This topic is for another blog post though.
I also think retrospectively about this blog and our journey so far. Especially, all the photos and footage that we have yet to develop or turned into some more ‘meaningful’ contents for our loved ones to enjoy. I admitted to my partner that I want to work on it while I can still ‘feel’ the experiences.
Oh boy, it opened up a can of worms. I am an educator and he worked a desk job. Filming, editing, scripting, speaking to the camera are not at all our forte. I might have a thicker skin since I am a teacher, but we are stepping into unknown territory, and it IS scary.
You see, when I am not thinking about the ‘should haves’ and the ‘could haves,’ I think about the ‘what ifs’. There is no end to this, is there?.
Well, at least today we are doing something about it. And I think we (I) have to keep reminding myself that having those thoughts is normal as long as they are not stopping me from doing what I enjoy. Moreover, the ‘what ifs’ always present themselves when we are trying to do something new anyway. My brain loves me and it wants to protect me. I’m sure your brains do the same.
But, I also want growth, and we won’t grow unless we take a tumble, dive in headfirst, and embrace changes and challenges. Right?
So, here we go. Let’s find something we enjoy and keep us in the present, shall we?
Today’s background music is Matsuri – Fujii Kaze that I have on repeated for the past hour …
